When the (American) blogging dream is only just that.
As an influencer, you purposefully put yourself out there to market brands. In order to do so, your life is carefully documented and you must maintain your aesthete. People look up to you and live vicariously through you so it’s important to be on top of things but what happens when having eyes on you all the time generates negativity?
Body image is something everyone struggles with at some point in their lives and I thought my days of undermining insecurities were over years ago. The hardest lesson I learned is that not all battles are completely won.
I’ve been really hesitant about posting something like this but I realize that weaknesses are meant to be recognized in order to grow and that I’m not the only one experiencing these struggles.
I used to be bullied in high school. Whether it was in person or online, it made me feel like scum.
It didn’t help that I was struggling with severe skin issues and resulted in me going to the dermatologist for six years.
As time went by, I matured and so did my perspective on my own body. I regained confidence in myself but that had changed quickly in the past couple months.
Being an influencer, you allow yourself to be vulnerable to strangers. That’s what makes you relatable but at the same time subject to so much judgement. The more you grow your followers, the more vulnerable you become and the emphasis on how you portray yourself doubles as you climb up in the industry.
Due to certain health issues, I’ve had to wean myself onto birth control, which ended up changing everything about myself physically so quickly. I gained weight for the first time since high school, cleaned out majority of my closet since I didn’t fit in my clothes anymore, and as my body got adjusted to the hormones, my skin flared up and I was revisiting my acne troubles all over again.
Because of it, I’ve been more conscious about what I ate, worked out often, layered on even more make-up, became more self-conscious about the way my stomach looked and compared myself to other women around me constantly. It felt like there was a magnifying glass on every inch of my body and it still feels that way.
For the first time in years, I’ve started to hate the way I looked and parts of me feels like these internal struggles doubled due to negative comments.
But like you and the next person, I’m still learning to love myself and I believe it’s a lesson to be learned over and over again. It never gets easier every time you do.
I’ve also learned that small things can help you regain confidence in yourself whether that is being with the people you love, wearing what makes you feel good, eating what makes you feel happy, doing the things that just feel right, and not caring what others think about you.
You are you and you are beautiful. The media doesn’t define the way you should look; you do.
Love yourself as much as I love you.
Thanks for reading.
“There is no wrong way to have a body.”
— Glenn Marla
Dress via Simple Retro / Heels via Public Desire / Bracelet via Humble Commodity
Photography by Justin Quebral