Things Just Don’t Clique (feat. Gamiss)

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Flashing back to some lessons learned the hard way.

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For the longest, I felt lonely seeing every blogger with their own blogger clique. I didn’t make the cut in the last clique my younger blogger self has tried to fit into.

To this day, it still bothers me that I didn’t.

No matter how many times I was invited, I never felt like I could be myself. I found myself censoring myself often and being fearful of what they would think of me when I had bursts of being myself. Maybe it was the fact that I fangirled internally in their presence and that I was intimidated by their accomplishments and numbers.

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I so badly wanted to be a part of their friendships and eventually I asked myself why. Is it because I wanted to feel accepted? Is it because I wanted their numbers too? I think it was a combination of everything. I wanted a group to support me (not that I don’t outside of the blogging realm) that just ‘gets’ the entire industry.

Now I’m never invited to anything concerning them. My comments are ignored and it’s apparent that I’m just not part of the group. It sucks, especially when I see others who have entered the group with little to no struggle.

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I cringe every time I look back at those moments and how I wish I could redo them. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that or maybe I tried too hard.

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Then I realized that to them, it seems I’m just here for the numbers and exposure. To them, I was the one that was fake. Ironically enough, I’ve complained about how many social climbers I run into on a regular basis. I also realized that if I had to mute myself when it came to the things I was excited about, they weren’t the ones I needed in my life to begin with.

Why should I be tossing and turning over something that wasn’t meant to happen? Things just don’t always click. A huge part of me is grateful that they didn’t accept me.

If they did, I don’t think I would’ve learned the hard way about independence and acceptance: accepting that things happen for a reason, that I have a hard time accepting things and how badly I seek to be accepted.

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The blogger friends I have now are years older than me (some are reaching their 30s and some are already there). The older generation of bloggers seem to be the most down-to-earth, genuine and humble. They’re the ones who want me to grow with them and in an industry as selfish and dirty as this one, that’s rare to find.

It’s exhausting having to pick through the leeches but the real, truly dedicated friends will resurface when you least expect it.

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Skirt via Gamiss / Top via VIP.me

So in love with the mini skirt trend coming back for fall, especially this suede beauty. Not to mention those criss-cross details that give it the extra edge I look for in every piece.

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Photography by Justin Quebral

 

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Ruth says:

    Your honesty is so real. Your post is a topic many people can relate to including myself. I believe there are no coincidences, so the fact that things worked out the way it did just speaks volume on your path in life. Who needs fake friends anyway. Like drake says “no new friends”. On another note love your style. Keep up the great work. I just stumbled across you on Instagram. Where do you shoot? I love the grey walls.

    Like

    1. polydeux says:

      Wow, thanks so much for this. I love hearing that this struck a chord in you. It means a lot to me as that is my goal.

      I shoot at random buildings we see when we drive around! haha

      Like

  2. Sangyay Chen says:

    My favorite thing about coming to your blog is that I know there will be genuine written and thoughts. And since I think I shared a similar perspective I can relate to your thoughts written here. As a very new blogger I’ve definitely been observing different kinds of bloggers and interesting. 🙂
    Xoxo,
    Sangyay
    http://www.sangyayc.com/

    Like

    1. polydeux says:

      Aww, thanks so much for reading and I’m so happy you can relate! I try to be honest as much as possible because this industry is everything but honest.

      Like

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